Mom Shaming Ends Today
Call it criticism, shaming or bashing… you name it, it all refers to the same thing. I never knew this sort of criticism existed until becoming the lovely receiver of “Mom Bashing”, not just once, not just twice…. yes this is a topic near and dear to my heart.
Bashing is defined as severe criticism or insulting options. These negative comments are often in relation to people’s characteristics or way of life. In the case of “Mom Bashing”, it has to do with judging parents for their decisions or parental style. If you are a mom, you’ve experienced such judgment.
Judging others, in general, is an ugly trait.
It portrays you as insecure and unsatisfied with your own choices or current lifestyle. So you proceed to judge others who have made different choices in different circumstances, bashing on how others choose to parent.
Or we have the ever so common, “when I raised my kids” comments. These are my favorites, as these mom’s children are now adults, often who have their own children now. All too often we forget the difficult parts of raising children and only remember the happy moments. So naturally these woman feel that their kids where angels, all due to their excellent parenting skills back in the day. So they proceed to tell you how you are making the wrong choices and “if only you did…then your child would be….”. Yep, my favorites.
Shaming moms into believing they are not doing a good enough job is similar to any other kind of discrimination. Saying one action or decision is right while another is wrong, based on your own opinions, is discrimination. Who wants to be known as someone who does such a thing?
There are so many layers in decision making. Layers that can make up a person’s background causing them to become the person they are today. This background being different from yours will inevitably lead to differing opinions and decisions.
For instance, a person raised by strict parents will tend to sway heavily as lenient when raising their own children. This can go the opposite way as well.
Accepting differences and allowing for diversity is the first step in moving forward when bothered by someone else’s choices.
We generally all live by the golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated.
But let’s get real for a minute. Us moms have been on the receiving end of mom bashing, but what about on the giving? That’s right, admittedly we’ve all judged another mom for a choice. Don’t think about that other mom, think about you. Have you guilty of mom bashing?
I know I am. It’s something I hate to admit and yet I know it’s normal to have negative thoughts come into our minds about other people.
This is where we absolutely need to control our thinking.
Thoughts turn into words. Dwelling on, or talking about other moms choices and habits as “wrong” takes us to that ugly place. Again, judging others is an ugly trait. The person who gossips is not the person I want to be around as they will return the favor toward me when I’m not in their company. So take control of your thoughts and words. Keep in mind the golden rule.
When watching your mom friends parent, remember to think positively. Don’t criticize, in word or thought.
They know what’s best for their children. They will make the best possible decision for that child’s needs given the family circumstances. We don’t need to take on their responsibilities or look down on their choices. We do however, need to be supportive. Golden Rule.
Looking down on other moms, their choice to go to work after baby, their choice on how to discipline, whether or not to birth naturally, the decision to breast feed or formula feed… yeah there are a ton of decisions to be made as a parent. The best part, they are their decisions to make. No one else can make them and no one else will bare the responsibility for them.
So when trying to put an end to Mom Criticism, we must remember that despite our best efforts, mankind still battles all types of discrimination. This fight will not end by mans efforts alone. So there is a sense of endurance needed. However, here are some things we can say if needed. Kindly remind the person:
“We will make the best choice for our family and child. Promise.”
“My children always come first. My own decisions will reflect that.”
“I’m doing the best job I possibly can, and I’m really proud of that.”
“I’m a mom who works hard to give her kids the best, including the type of discipline they need.”
I hope this helps you mommas out there experiencing criticism. Remember that you are doing a great job, and this job of raising children is NOT an easy one. So keep at it, choosing what’s best for your children.
Remember to return kindness to everyone and not allow the bashing of others to enter into your conversations. In time you will find people truly respecting your choices and actions as a mom who cares for her kids and others.